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Newsletter#3: Confidence.

Peter Leyland
Peter LeylandPublished on April 09, 2021

Do you often look at others, wishing that you could be as bold as they are? Wishing you could voice your opinion? Or maybe you wished that you could take action on those fantasies and passions you always dream of, yet you don't feel good enough? 

The general belief is that, you are the way you are because that's the way it's always been right? 

You couldn't improve, or change, or be that person you always dreamt of being...right? 

Is that right?!

We all have our interpretations of the world, seeing it in a way that suits exactly what we need it to suit. Sometimes you could even catch yourself thinking that the problem is within you, that you wished you could be more, but you don't believe that it could happen. That you don't have the characteristic built-in, the personality trait or even the 'aura' that these confident people tend to have. 

The wording above isn't just terminology, it has been chosen carefully. Confidence is, indeed: 'Built-in' and 'Within you' the only question is...How Do You Build This Within? 

How Do I Build This Within?

As with all things PETENTIAL, we put this in easy to understand steps

Where is it that you are not confident?  - Identify the exact area, Public Speaking, Socialising, Being the center of attention (Interviews, Public events, Parties, etc) even when you look at your body? 

If you become confident in this area, what would you gain? - What do you seek? The ability to tell your best stories? Attraction? Connection? Ensuring the REWARD is worth the risk is a definite prince-able to overcoming limitations.

What is the Real Fear that is underlying(RISK)? - Locating actual FEAR that limits you from taking action to be confident in that area is key to confidence. Fear of: Not being accepted (Connection lost through those you may care about), Ridicule (Being seen as foolish, losing your significance or respect), Failure! (This could be physical pain so must be detailed of the REAL RISKS at stake), Fear of success (What if it works...then all along you had been wasting your time!)...Fear of uncertainty (Nothing in life is certain). For all of the above we WILL create a post covering all of these, but for now... What is the fear?

Where did these fears begin? - Often they began young, from someone who had an opinion that you no longer value, or of someone who had no evidence, they were trying to hurt you... and without you realizing they did... for a long time. Identify when it began, write the story and provide FACTS to back up the original statements, then ask yourself (again with FACTS) What has changed since then? ...Are there things I have now to prove them wrong, or What can I do NOW, to prove them wrong!

Affirmations! - You now have an understanding of what your fear is, how different things were when that fear began. That things have changed. You have FACTS to remind you that you can continue to change. You now KNOW that the REWARD OUTWEIGHS THE RISK. Now you must create the belief system that you are, what you always wanted to be! 3 times a day, read your NEW beliefs: "I'm not the same as I was then, things have changed, I am now " ", I can " ", I always " ", I am not afraid of "risk" and I do deserve "reward"

Reinforce your belief with Action - Look at the area you want to become confident in, and break it down into small steps, take only 1 action a day, to prove it to yourself, this could be for example: Texting one person something that you wish you could have said to stand up for yourself (A friend at first, knowing that they will laugh with you!), For attractiveness maybe do one gym class - or wear a more revealing outfit (A fitted suit or dress, that shows your true self), If artistic - sing in the shower or your car, paint something small just for yourself, no one has to see it yet. Public speaking - close your eyes pretend your speaking to an audience when in fact it's only your cat watching. Being social? Go to a gathering, with one person who you know will keep you company throughout who engages in conversation, you can watch, smile and soon be asked about yourself or join forums.

Don't let the small failures or fears stop you- Keep repeating affirmations especially if you do something wrong. Keep taking small steps UNTIL you get better! (How long would you give your baby until it learns how to walk? ...there's no time limit... it's UNTIL THE BABY WALKS) This is the same resilience you have to have. 

Over time what will happen as you journal and track this, slowly letting go of your fears/risks and embracing the possibility of the rewards or goals, you will soon discover that within a few weeks of doing one step daily, that you are already nearly achieving that goal of confidence! Ensure to increase your ACTIONS as soon as they no longer feel scary. Life should feel 'scary'...That buzz you get in your stomach isn't anxiety...It is excitement! What you focus on will make all the difference.

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